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| Shake
Hands and Be Friendly
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Some of our
relationships are the result of circumstances that are beyond
our control. You’ve probably heard the story of the teenager
who was arguing with his parents and said, “I didn’t ask
to be born into this family.” The father replied, “We
didn’t get to choose who we got, either.” But our friends
are different—we handpick them. We choose to be around
certain people because we share common interests and grow
together through common experiences.
I recently polled some of our third and fourth graders about
the qualities they look for in a friend. Their responses
demonstrated maturity beyond their years. One of them said
they want “someone who is so unbossy” and who “doesn’t
get drunk.” I didn’t realize that was a problem for
nine-year-olds. Another one wrote down, “someone who lets
people play with us, who is honest, trustworthy, a good
student.” Only, she misspelled the word “student.”
Another said, “someone who treats people like they want to
be treated. Someone who helps others, who tries to live a
right life, who does not think he or she is better than other
people.” One of them only put one thing down on the card,
“someone who does not lie to me.” Still another gave one
of my favorite lines of them all, “Someone who does not
think money is their life.”
There is a simple way to find what you’re looking for in
your friends. It is stated in what has come to be known as the
Golden Rule: “however you want people to treat you, so treat
them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (). In other
words, you don’t have the right to expect people to behave
in a certain way when you’re not willing to act that way
yourself. If you want to have a true friend, you need
to be a true friend. According to an E-mail proverb,
the best vitamin for making friends is B1.
Be loyal and your friends will be loyal. “A friend
loves at all times” (). That means that a true friend is
always available. They rejoice and do not envy you when
encounter success. They weep and do not desert you when you
fail. While many people seem to walk in and out of your life
after playing their part, the loyal friend is with you in
every stage. Aristotle once defined friendship as “one soul
in two bodies.” That’s something that is not easily
parted.
Be honest and your friends will be honest.
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the
kisses of an enemy” (). Surely that’s a typo, right? How
can the wounds of a friend be faithful? They will
tell you what you need to hear in a way that demonstrates
their love and loyalty to you. They are interested in your
betterment, even when it means saying something that’s not
too easy to say. While your enemies will lift you up to gain
an advantage, your true friends will tell it like it is to
bring you back down to earth. If that’s the kind of friend
you want, be that kind of friend.
Be trustworthy and your friends will be trustworthy.
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who
repeats a matter separates intimate friends” (). There are
few betrayals that rival a scattered secret that was told in
confidence. As one little boy eloquently put it, “he stabbed
me in the back—right in front of my face!” It is a
violation of trust that is difficult to recapture and, as the
wise man suggests, has the power to separate the soul split
between two bodies. But the one who can keep a secret will
have friends who will do the same.
Be attentive and your friends will be attentive.
“Like one who takes off a garment on a could day, or like
vinegar on soda, is he who sings songs to a troubled heart”
(). Friends don’t always need your advice; sometimes they
just need your shoulder.
It is important to have friends and to be friendly. And
perhaps the best friend we can ever have is the one who will
help us become the friend of God. Anyone who is unwilling to
do that ought to be counted an enemy.
Bubba Garner
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Copyright (C)
2009
Southside Church of Christ
All rights reserved.
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